Wrong Thong Aug 2005

If you go down to the beach today, you’re sure of a big surprise... bad beachwear as far as the eye can see, flesh squeezed into head-turning pieces of fabric and bits bronzing gently in the summer sun that never usually see the light of day. It’s enough to make you put your clothes back on! PAUL BROWN/REX FEATURES

This hairy specimen, bearing rather too much cleavage, is a fine example of a thong gone very wrong indeed. Just imagine the view from the front...

Taking a military cue doesn’t change the fact that a wax would have helped this holidaymaker. No amount of camouflage can disguise this swimwear shocker.

This lurid piece of beach cloth would leave spots before anyone’s eyes, and it doesn’t help that they’ve been pulled up higher than the tide.

High street fashion takes no prisoners with that missed tan line. Mind you, someone seems pleased to see him...

In some places anything goes with old wallpaper designs and frills aplenty. It seems to be contagious on this seafront.

pictures by MAGNUM , CORBIS

WHAT
WORD OF MOUTH News, gossip and trends from our European correspondents.	BOOK AHEAD Get your skates on for London’s most iconic skating rink.
CALENDAR Children’s fashion, basketball, dance and Halloween make up the month..	CINEMA SCENE Dalí, pizza and film are the events to remember this month.
RELATIVE VALUES Spooking out with halloween festivals and creepy castles.	CINEMA SCENE Bond, Pitt, DeNiro, DiCaprio, and what exactly is a dolly grip...
LONDON STINKS How the capital cleaned up its act after the Great Stink of 1858.	BEAR ESSENTIALS How photographing the airline’s Gulliver Bear mascot can win you two free flights.
MUST HAVES Pampered pooches provide this month’s inspiration.
WHO
FACE TO FACE This month sees the MOBO music awards in London. We speak to the founder, Kanya King.	MBA STUDENTS How our profiled students have done so far in their courses and advice for those thinking of starting a Masters this coming September.
PROFILE It’s pedal to the metal for one of the world’s fastest drag racers..	WWE Randy Orton, wrestling king, talks injuries, European fans and the showbiz spotlight of the most colourful sport.
THE BIG DEBATE Do the courts have the right to ban the burqa?.	HOW I DID IT How a Slovenian entrepreneur has rocked the ad industry’s techniques for promoting new business.
PROPERTY FOCUS The smart money for investors is the humble beach hut, now getting multi-million euro makeovers and award-winning designs..
WHERE
BOOK AHEAD Find yourself a cultured crib in Palma.	WEEKENDER Jersey offers something for all of the family.
TOP THREE Rent barmy bikes and crazy cars to tour the cities.	SLOPING OFF Before you book your winter break, the new breed of artifi cial slopes will get you ski-fit.
THE WHISTLING LANGUAGE Puckering up on La Gomera, off the coast of the Canary Islands, for the world’s most unusual language battling for survival.	WRITING SCHOOLS If you enjoy this magazine but think you could do better, why not try a very unusual type of holiday... a writer’s retreat.
DJ CITIES Take the advice of the clubbing experts on which cities to party the night away, and where to recharge the next day..	NAPLES PIZZA Head to the city that started it all and take a tasting tour with the pizza gurus.
EURO EDUCATION How homework, playtime and curriculums differ across the network.