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As next month's general election draws closer, it can be hard to know
exactly what Britain's politicians really stand for. Ever committed to
the pursuit of truth, easyJet In-flight tracked down Tony Blair, Michael Howard
and Charles Kennedy to ask the big questions on immigration, single currency
and the merits of Speedos versus board shorts. One even slipped in a dirty jokeÉ
Tony Blair (Labour)
Who is going to win the elections?
Whoever the country votes forÉ No sensible politician takes a single vote
for granted. The election will be a hard fight.
If you could go on holiday with any political leader,
who would you go with and where would you go?I reckon I see enough of other political leaders. I would
prefer to go on holiday, somewhere hot, with my family.
Speedos or board shorts?
I think there are plenty of photographs and a great deal of comment about my
choice of Speedos on a recent holiday. I'm not sure the company would
thank me for mentioning it againÉ So now it's board shorts!
Outline your immigration policy in one sentence.
Strict controls that ensure we take in only genuine refugees and those who
our economy needs and who contribute to Britain.
If you were going to emigrate, where would you go and why?
I am quite happy living here, thank you.
Are kids getting cleverer or are exams getting easier?
Children
are working harder and are smarter than before thanks to better teaching and
more investment in our schools.
Have you ever cheated in an exam?
No, I can't remember cheatingÉ
Should the UK join the single currency?
We should join if the five economic tests show membership is in the best interests
of British jobs and our future prosperity—and, if we do recommend it,
the British people have the final say in a referendum.
How much money do you have in your pocket right now? There is no money in
my pocket right now, but then I'm in the office and I don't need
any.
If you could make one thing legal, what would it be?
Give legal protection to teachers and others who take kids on outdoor exercises
and trips.
Which actor would you like to play you in the film
of your life? It's
not very likely, is it? OK then. Anthony Head is a good Prime Minister in Little
Britain (but without Sebastian, I thinkÉ) Tell us a joke.
I'm hopeless at telling jokes. I either forget the punch-line or reveal
it at the wrong point.
Michael Howard (Conservative)
Who's going to win the election?
I'm very confident that we can win. We've been setting an agenda
for the last month. We've got the same priorities as the British people.
We know that they want school discipline, clean hospitals, more police, controlled
immigration and lower taxes, and that's what we will deliver. Mr Blair's
had eight years to sort out these problems; he's manifestly failed and
we have a very clear idea of what we want to do.
If you could go on holiday with any political leader, who would you go with
and where would you go?
To the pyramids with Cleopatra. She has a very 'exotic' reputation,
and I'd like to get to know her.
And would you wear Speedos or board shorts?
Neither really. I don't know if I could tell you who makes the sort of
shorts I wear.
Are kids getting cleverer or exams getting easier?
I think it's quite clear that exams are getting easier. There are examples
of some questions being set for A levels now that would have been set for GCSEs
not very long ago.
The top grade, the A-grade, should be reserved for the top percentage of students
every year, so that we really do safeguard the standards of the British education
system. Have you ever cheated in an exam?
I don't think I have, no. I'm pretty sure I haven't.
I can't remember being tempted, but if I was, it was a temptation I resisted.
Should the UK join the single currency?
No. For many reasons, the most important of which is that we need to have the
ability to set interest rates in this country. Germany is suffering for that
reason, and its government is powerless to do anything about it.
How much cash do you have in your pocket right now?
Do you want me to count? I think I've got just over £100 because
I went to the bank yesterday.
Which actor would you like to play you in the film of your life?
Al Pacino, because he's my wife's favourite actor.
Any film in particular?
I suppose the Al Pacino films that I enjoy most are the Godfather films.
Can you review the last film that you saw in five words?
I think the last film I saw in the cinema was Love, Actually (you know, the one
with Hugh Grant as Prime Minister). Five words—good, light film, very
amusing.
Who was your favourite character?
Martine McCutcheon.
Can you tell us a joke?
How long have you got? OkayÉ There's this chap who has spent three
years on a desert island. Suddenly without any warning the most beautiful girl
comes out of the sea wearing a wetsuit, walks toward him and says, 'When
was the last time you had a smoke?' He says, 'I haven't
had a smoke for three years. I've been all alone on this desert island.'
She opens her wetsuit a little bit and pulls out a
cigarette and a box of matches. He says, 'Fantastic! How can I thank you?' She says, 'Well
hang on, when was the last time you had a drink?
' He says, 'I haven't
had a drink in three years, I've been all alone on this desert island!' So
she opens her wetsuit just a little bit more and produces a bottle of Scotch.
And he says, 'This is absolutely amazing, how can I thank you?' And
she says, unzipping her wetsuit a little bit more, 'When was the last
time youÉ played around?' And he says, 'You're not
going to tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there as well?'
Who's going to win the election?
The only thing that can be said with any certainty is that it's going
to be a highly unpredictable election because there will be very different contests
in different parts of the country. In some places, it's Liberal Democrat
versus Conservatives; in other places, it's Labour versus Liberal Democrats.
So it's a real mixed bag, which makes it much more unpredictable.
If you could go on holiday with any political leader, who would you go with
and where would you go?
I'd go with one very good friend, who I miss a great deal, and it's
the late Roy Jenkins. He and I both stayed at a friend's private villa
in Italy, which we much enjoyed. And indeed Roy used to do some of his writing
there in days gone by.
Would you favour Speedos or board shorts by the pool?
Speedos, I think. [Charles Kennedy's office called back shortly after
the interview to inform us that Charles had meant to say board shorts. Yeah,
sure!]
Are kids getting cleverer or exams getting easier?
I think we've got too many exams. Children mature in every sense at a
much earlier age. They've got more access to technology, to sources of
information and so on, but I think they are over-examined in terms of formal
exams, which sometimes gets in the way of wider learning.
And have you ever cheated in an exam?
No, I can't say I have. I've done my examination period, a testing
one, a demanding one, although a general election is rather like one last exam.
If you could make one thing legal, what would it be and why?
I would make it legal to vote at the age of 16. I think we want more young people
to participate in politics, and that would be one way to encourage it.
Should the UK join the single currency?
In principle, we feel yes, subject to a referendum of the British people. I think
[a referendum] should have come to get the decision in principle several years
ago, but I hope it will come in the course of the next parliament.
How much money do you have in your pocket right now?
Oh, £45.
Which actor would you like to play you in the film of your life?
I would think that, were it not for his age, Sean Connery.
You'd prefer a young Sean Connery?
Yes, an earlier James Bond, something around the Goldfinger period.
And would you have a Bond-style catchphrase?
I think I would settle for 'shaken, not stirred'.
Can you review the last film that you saw in five
words? In five words? The last film that I saw? Well I watched a re-run of The Day of the Jackal...
The original or the remake?
The original. And in five words, 'edge of the seat entertainment'.
Can you tell us a joke?
Tell you a joke? A majority Conservative government!
Speedo fan?
Imagine him
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