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The best romantic gestures are personal and given when least expected. But since this is February, and you’ll probably find yourself single if you don’t get your lover something for Valentine’s Day, here are some suggestions for the romantically clueless.
" Roses are red, violets are blue ... "
If you can’t find just the right words to tell your valentine how much you care, hire someone who can. A professional songwriter can create the perfect poem for your sweetie, complete with musical melody. Have the song studio-recorded by a session band and played live on the radio. Or better yet, bring the band to dinner to perform the personalised serenade. Either way, your love will be music to your darling’s ears.
You don’t have to be Shakespeare to tell your significant other just how romantic and passionate you are. A few rhyming words, some sappy pronouncements of love and a touch of Old English, and you too can be a poet. At best, your love poem will inspire tears of joy, at worst, uncontrollable, belly-aching laughter. Either way, it will be an endearing and memorable gift. Make your poem extra special by investing some creativity into the presentation, whether with parchment, calligraphy and a wax seal or scrap paper, crayons and cartoon hearts. Read or sing your poem for maximum effect.
Enjoy a romantic hotel in a historic city
Cosset your lover with the ultimate getaway to the romance capital of the world – Paris. Spend the night at the luxurious Hôtel de Crillon (book through www.octopus4easyjet.com), where you will experience the finest elegance the City of Lights has to offer. Take your lover to the top of Montmarte, in the very north of the city, where you’ll find the Sacré-Couer, a gorgeous Roman Catholic basilica built in the late 19th century, and the most stunning views of the city and its monuments. Top off your romantic getaway with a concert at the 13th century Sainte Chapelle. Its colourful stained glass windows and candlelit performances will get anyone into the mood for love.
The City of a Hundred Spires provides a cheaper, yet equally romantic alternative to Paris. Prague’s hotels are extremely inexpensive, starting at about €30 for a charming room in the city’s centre, and the gorgeous Prague Castle, lovely Charles Bridge and magical winding streets make it a perfect destination for lovebirds. If sightseeing doesn’t get the romantic juices flowing, the extremely cheap Czech beer and wine most certainly will. Intoxicate your lover with some of the world’s best booze, including Gambrinus, Kozel and Staropramen. At 50 cents a drink, you’re bound to have your wicked way!
All things grow with love
Your beloved is worth far more than a common rose, so why not spoil them with the ultimate floral gift? No flower can compare to a one-of-a-kind rose, created especially for your honey. Have the rose custom-bred, and then name the new species after your loved one. Whether silvery white to match her favourite dress or deep pink like her lips, this unique gift will put the local florist’s stock to shame. With a scent and shape that she will have never before experienced, your flower will never be forgotten.
Unless they come as an accessory to a new Ferrari, a traditional, store-bought bouquet of roses is pretty boring. If you’re giving flowers, skip the humdrum rose and baby’s breath combinations and present your own, personalised flower designs. Since men tend to be less than impressed by flowers, surprise your hunk with a hidden gift secreted amongst the stems. He’ll definitely be happily taken aback to find a “naughty toy”, or your suggestively discarded knickers, within the thorny blossoms.
Get oiled-up and rubbed-down
Treat yourselves to a romantic day at a luxury spa. Relax while facials, mud baths, steam rooms and massages get the two of you into the mood. The finest spas feature tranquil décor, excellent restaurants and aromatherapy to entreat all of your senses and prepare you for a night of love. Plus, if your date is no Kylie Minogue or David Beckham, perhaps a day’s worth of treatment will have removed enough spots and unwanted hairs to have them looking shaggable by dinnertime. Maximise the effect with the “romantic”, yet dim, light of candles.
Despite any compliments you might receive, unless you’re a professional, chances are that you give a crap massage. So save your collection of lotions for later in the night, and have a real masseuse come to your home to treat your sweetheart to a full-body rubdown. Or, to spend some romantic time together (and to get yourself in on the action), book a pair of massagers. That way, if you prove to be unlucky on the night, at least you will have had someone’s hands all over your body. After the masseuse leaves, treat your still-naked lover to some amateur action with essential oils and chocolate body paint, which you can paint on and lick off... to exfoliate, of course.
From the lips to the heart (by way of the stomach)
When a homemade meal is too risky (and if the takeaway deceit seems too dishonest), but you would like to avoid the chaos of a restaurant on Valentine’s night, hire a private chef to come to your house to create that perfect dish. Leave all the cooking to the pro, while you sip a selection of handpicked wines and liqueurs. Top off the gift with a private waiter to tend to your every dining demand.[2764]
While there is an abundance of tales about exotic love potions, only one aphrodisiac is guaranteed to show how much you care: a homemade romantic meal of your valentine’s favourite foods. You don’t have to be Jamie Oliver to impress your date. Just find out their favourite meal and buy a cookbook with the recipe. If you’re totally hopeless in the kitchen, sneak out to a fine restaurant, get takeout, slam it in the microwave and dirty some pots and pans for effect. Then, lay out the linens, pour some wine, light the candles, turn on The Walrus of Love (a.k.a. Barry White) and serve.
Love Canal
Skip the small boats and sail with the big boys! Any date is guaranteed to be wowed when you charter a private, crewed, luxury yacht for a cruise around the landmarks of your Mediterranean destination. Eat a candlelit dinner while sailing past the Côte d’Azur. Steal a kiss while floating beside the El Palo beach in Malaga. Hold hands and stare at the beautiful Puerto Andraitx of Mallorca. Just be sure to have your captain stay near the coast, where you’ll find the most scenic views (and a shorter swim if the date goes terribly wrong).
For those lucky enough to be spending Valentine’s Day in Venice, be sure to hop into a gondola for a romantic cruise through the waterways. Even if you’ve floated around town before, these traditional boats will make the perfect setting for this special night. If you find yourself in a temperate climate outside of Venice on the 14th, you can still enjoy the romantic aquatic atmosphere by renting a rowboat for a passionate, private picnic. Couples in Northern Europe can improvise on the water theme by going ice skating.
If these extravagant gestures seem too elaborate to organise yourself, let gift specialists such as Sotto Voce (www.sottovoce.co.uk Tel. +44 (0)845 225 3131) sort out the details.
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