Beginners' Guide to Casinos & Gambling Where to go, what you can expect, the games to play and strategies for multiplying your net worth overnight. This essential guide can’t promise to help you avoid the pitfalls, but it should help your odds.
Text by Rob McFie
Illustration by Lee Peters www.studiogreenhouse.co.uk
Gambling is in our genes. Whether we like it or not, human beings are hard-wired to play the odds, even if the odds are a million to one. In the UK, for example, you have one chance in 14 million of winning the lottery. Mathematically, these odds suck, but this doesn’t stop millions of people, all with highly developed gambling genes, from parting with a pound in the hopes that they’ll win big.
Statistically, we know that we have a better chance of meeting Elvis than of winning the lottery. But at the back of our minds we know that maybe, just maybe, we might scoop the lot. And even if we don’t win, fantasising about how we’d spend the vast fortune is well worth a quid.
Gambling fantasies aren’t a new phenomenon. Before the lottery, people in the UK wanted to win the Football Pools. And prior to the Pools, those looking to make a pile – without actually working for it – dreamt of breaking the bank in a fabulous casino.
Casinos are still very popular today. They offer more favourable odds than the Lottery, and a visit to Europe’s most famous casinos, which are only a cheap flight away, is much more exciting than standing in a grotty newsagent’s asking for a Lucky Dip!
If you’re a novice gambler, there are a few dos and don’ts that you should learn before you visit a casino. This beginner’s guide doesn’t guarantee that you’ll break the bank. But, if you read on, it may prevent you from losing your shirt.
Where to gamble
If you play your cards right, gambling can be a goldmine. It’s true that Dame Fortune is a fickle friend, but she does have a soft spot for the plucky beginner. And if this isn’t enough to tempt you, then perhaps the laws of probability will be. Developed by French mathematician Blaise Pascal, the law of probability states “If all things are even, even a really unlucky sod can win a few quid in a game of chance.”
If you want to gamble for fun, and potentially make a profit, then you really have to visit a casino. There are people who would argue that an afternoon in a bookies (betting shop) can provide you with a similar result. But these are the kind of people that would also argue that an afternoon spent drinking Special Brew provides the same result as an evening of drinking champagne.
Almost every European city has a casino. From Paris to Prague you can, if the mood takes you, find a bank that you can break. In the principality of Monaco, however, you will find what is, without question, the most famous casino in the world. And to help you get onto that slippery slope, we’ve even been considerate enough to suggest a few casinos across the easyJet network to help you on your way! And as Sky Masters sang in Guys & Dolls, may Luck Be a Lady Tonight!
The games to play
Slot machines are the easiest games to play in a casino. They are, however, highly addictive. Dedicated slot players stalk the halls carrying such large buckets of coins that they look as though they’re collecting for Comic Relief. These people are not charitable, though, they’re looking for a machine that’s ready to drop, and will tip the entire contents of their bucket into a likely machine until it pays out.
The rest of the games in a casino are a little more complicated than dropping a coin in a slot, but not much. Craps, for example, sounds rude, but it’s actually quite easy to play and is terrifically exciting. Blackjack, which offers good odds, is really simple to play if you can count to 21 – though be careful, as Australian billionaire Kerry Packer is said to have lost £10 million at a Blackjack table in London.
Baccarat, James Bond’s favourite game, is thought to be very sophisticated, but once you get the hang of it, it’s easy to play and it offers great odds. If you’re too intimidated to try these games, you can still have great fun people-watching.
The Baccarat pit, for example, attracts the real high rollers and, thanks to a perverse quirk of human nature, you’ll experience a huge thrill as you watch some real fat cat bet the value of your house on a single hand, and lose.
What to expect
The Casino de Monte Carlo, in Monte Carlo, is the glittering jewel in Monaco’s crown; and the only way to arrive there is in an Aston Martin DB5. You’ll also need a tuxedo (or a wet suit that turns into a tuxedo), a squillion pounds of the government’s money to bet on the turn of a single card and a beautifully bejewelled double agent on your arm. James Bond fantasies aside, the casino is only 15 miles from Nice airport, which makes it perfect for a long weekend.
As you enter the Casino de Monte Carlo, you may feel a sudden pain in your jaw – as it hits the marble floor. If you plan on playing poker, refrain from shouting 'ouch!’ or 'wow!’ as this will give you away as a novice. Instead, quickly close your mouth – rub your jaw if you have to – and quietly note the Bohemian glass chandeliers, rococo ceilings, the endless gold fixtures and the 28 Ionic columns in the Atrium. Soak it all in, but don’t be overawed by it. Remember you’re here to gamble, to break this casino’s bank; so don’t let the opulent surroundings put you off your game.
Strategies
It has been said that gambling is a sure way of getting nothing for something. And this is certainly true, so as a complete novice you should only gamble what you can afford to lose (and if you can afford to lose money why would you care anyway?) A good strategy is to set a spending limit and slowly fritter your cash away over an evening. A rubbish strategy is to stick your entire allowance on black and then burst into tears when the roulette ball lands on red.
If you’re playing the slot machines, don’t get carried away every time you hear another machine paying out. If your machine hasn’t paid out in the first few games, chances are it won’t pay out at all. If you’re down on your luck, you can, occasionally, ride someone else’s. Try stalking the blokes with buckets full of cash. If they’ve emptied all their coins into a machine and then gone to get more, the odds of you taking the jackpot are actually pretty good.
Poker is a difficult game for beginners to play, as it requires a great deal of skill, huge helpings of luck and a face that looks as though you’re troubled by haemorrhoids. To a skilled poker player, the human face is bit like a dog’s backside. Dogs make rubbish poker players because they can’t stop wagging their tails when they’re happy. Similarly, novice players can’t contain their excitement when they’re dealt a Royal Flush.
As a cautionary note, if, whilst you’re in the casino, you find yourself betting on which lift is going to arrive first, or which rain drop will run down a window the quickest, then you should quickly cash in your chips and head home.
If you fancy trying your luck, here are some top casinos across the easyJet network. Bear in mind that most casinos require non- members to present an identity card, driving licence or passport. In the UK you are required to signup 24 hours in advance. That said, many casinos will allow you to play upon arrival if you fax a copy of your passport in advance. Oh and you have to be 18 or older!
Barcelona
Located in one of Barcelona’s finest neighbourhoods, Port Olímpic, Casino de Barcelona (Marina, 19-21, www.casino-barcelona.com) features chic gaming floors, restaurants and a stylish disco. If you are feeling particularly lucky, enter one of the casino’s many tournaments for a chance at huge jackpots.
Costa Del Sol
Situated between Málaga and Marbella in Benalmádena Costa, The Torrequebrada Casino (www.torrequebrada.com) is just 15 minutes from the Pablo Ruiz Picasso Airport and features roulette, blackjack, stud poker, punto & banca and slot machines. Do check out their excellent dining and flamenco performances.
London
Gamble like a rockstar at the new Hard Rock Casino London (3-4 Coventry Street, www.hardrock.com). This casino combines Hard Rock’s love of music culture with the excitement of two happening bars, a café and roulette, blackjack, electronic roulette, three-card poker and over 20 Hard Rock slot machines.
Prague
There are practically casinos on every street corner in Prague – especially around Wenceslas Square. The Ambassador Hotel (Vaclavske nam 5- 7, Praha 1) has a particularly smart casino with sterling candelabra, baroque frescoes and plenty of games to wager your money on.
Cannes Mandelieu
For a relaxed alternative to Cannes’ Barriere Casino, try Sofitel Mandelieu Royal Casino (605, avenue du Général de Gaulle). Located within the Royal Hotel, the Mandelieu features 200 slot machines, 12 game tables, 42 video poker machines, two restaurants and a cabaret – enough to keep you busy for your whole holiday.
Faro
The splendid Casino de Vilamoura (Rua 19, nº 85 4500 – Espinho) presents 350 slot machines, American and French roulette tables, Blackjack, Punto Banco and the dice game French Bank. Take a break to visit the cabaret shows and the famous Blackjack Disco.
Online
If you can’t make it to the casino but are still in the mood for gambling, check out some of the online options. Bet from the comfort of your home at PokerRoom.com, where players from across the globe converge to play Texas hold 'em, Omaha seven-card stud and Chinese poker. The site even offers free-to-enter, play-money tournaments for less experienced players. Alternatively, try Casino.net, where you can spin the roulette wheel, roll the dice in craps and strike lucky in blackjack. The site offers numerous other games and up to a $200 bonus for your first deposit.
